Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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