I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
