He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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