haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
