i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
