I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
