I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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