I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
this just has baby written all over it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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