I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
