You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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