i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
