Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
