Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
