I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
