I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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