do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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