sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
