i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
