I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
