just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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