Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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