i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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