sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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