I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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