so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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