Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
time to smoke my breakfast
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
