i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
