matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
