I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
