all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
