you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
