Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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