Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
