I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
