wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
