I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
