That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
