any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
