Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
