He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
