Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize