i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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