no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
