Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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