we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
