I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
