i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
