Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
