shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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