ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
