It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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